Pipe Dream Farm

I like to daydream. You already know the one about getting my novel published. Another dream of mine is to have a hobby farm where I’d raise llamas, alpacas and goats (oh my!). While it sounds a bit whack-a-doo, I’m totally serious. I come from a long line of cattle ranchers, and while I have no desire to become a bovine baroness, the urge to raise livestock runs deep in my DNA. I’m too tender hearted to slaughter my lovies though, so it couldn’t be cattle. Or pigs or chickens because of the stench.

Much to my wild children’s chagrin, every year I drag them to the llama barn at the 4-H fair so I can feast my eyes on those creatures that look like they’ve walked straight out of a Dr. Suess book. They hum to communicate to each other, and spit or neck wrestle when they’re mad. They’re curious and quirky. Seriously, how can you not love a face like this?

Llamas are known for their wool, but did you know that there are also guard llamas? Llamas can kick a coyote’s keister, and a couple of llama’s together can even put a whooping on a mountain lion. I’d like to raise a few ninja llamas, whose offspring could be sold to protect sheep, or for that matter, anyone who needed a little extra security. Think about it… would you attack someone with a 400 lb llama, who depending on her anger level, could hawk a loogey from all three of her stomachs?

My hobby farm would also have goats. Not only would we never have to mow the lawn again, we’d never have a weed problem because goats are cool like that. Our cloven-footed friends are the best weed whackers to come down the pike since Roundup, and they don’t cause cancer or birth defects. Several counties around here use goats for weed mitigation. Goats prefer weeds over grass. Sic a goat herd on a patch of noxious weeds and they’ll stop that weed from growing again, since their stomach acid destroys the seeds. They’re relentless, and will even climb a cottonwood to get to a patch of leafy spurge. Not only do they eradicate weeds, their hooves aerate the land, and their poop fertilizes. A trifecta of goat goodness!

With my penchant for career choices involving llamas, goats, and writing, it’s probably a good thing I married a dude with an MBA. But a little daydreaming never hurt, right?

What are your pipe dreams?


18 thoughts on “Pipe Dream Farm

  1. I know of a charming little llama and goat farm fantasy just down the road from a lively inviting and thriving marina operation on lake Ontario in new York. Don’t you just love the idea. The timing seems about right!! “MomC”

  2. I am so with you, when I first moved to CO, one of my career daydreams was an alpaca farm, I think I even sent away for information on it…and I love goats, my mom had one growing up, but Ted hates them, scared of them, really, says they have weird eyes…thanks for the great post!

  3. I needed a good belly laugh, Beth. Thank you! Don’t give up on your Llama dream. I want to live vicariously through your experience with Llamas and goats. The stories, told by you will be absolutely priceless. (: Kath

  4. Omg, could we possibly be soul sisters any more?? Seriously, ask my hubby. Throw in a Bactrian camel for good measure, and you and I have identical dream farms! Can we build them side by side??

    • Bring it! Let’s go to the llama/camel/goat store RIGHT NOW! I’m really sort of not kidding… We just need to score some land, which will be easily done once you sell your novel. 🙂

  5. I honestly can’t say I’ve ever thought or dreamed about having a farm with any animals. Unlike you, I like animals when I can see them at the zoo, but I don’t desire to have any of my own. I don’t have a MBA either. So where does that leave me?

  6. Pingback: I Kissed a Llama and I Liked It | Beth Christopher

  7. Wow! I was looking for an image of llamas and ran into these. Your story of having a llama, alpaca and goat farm is very delightful and I think I would like to do the same one day. I ran into some alpacas at the fair last year and man they are beautiful creatures. I wanted to hug them. I will though find out if they are the hugging type cause I thought this one cat my girlfriend has was a hugger. Man was I wrong! Anyways. Thanks for the picture and nice daydream.

    • BTW I haven’t ran into any other llamas that look like the one on the left. I wonder why it looks so “cartoony.” Must be the perfect angle of it looking right at you. Pretty bizarre.

      • Frank, those pictured aren’t llamas, but Alpacas, very gentle creatures. They’re smaller than llamas by quite a bit, very sweet, soft and sociable.

        Btw, Pipedreamer, there’s owners of both llamas and alpacas that train them. Everyone I’ve seen on YouTube is a passionate woman like yourself, and they actually ” target- train” them with a clicker and treats like a dog! VERY IMPRESSIVE! And very cute. 🙂 Off topic, there’s an elephant advocate, one of the original founders of The Elephant Sanctuary in Tennessee, Carol, who now works in Asia, working to get captive elephants off chains, by building strong kralls for them, and target- training them the same exact way with a clicker and fruit, to lift up their foot for healthcare maintenance, so the indigenous owners will STOP torture- training them ( called “phajaan”, where unspeakable things are done to dominate them.) Instead, she is on a campaign to teach the people how to treat them humanely with respect and care, so she trains the elephants the happy way. 🙂 Happy training is good!

  8. Cool. Great writing, great post, need more cutie-pie pictures! 🙂 I’d love to see your dream become a reality! They say Alpaca fiber is softer, and washable! You could learn to spin and weave! Ooh, to learn the old, clean- living ways. .

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s